Saturday, August 25, 2007
8:26 PM
Hi all! Well this weekend I'll be involved in the army half marathon. Nope I won't be running, but part of the organising. I'll be at the end point of the marathon doing the scoring of the runners. 60,000 ppl for the bay run can you believe?! Yup and I won't be sleeping tonight that's for sure. We'll be going down to marina and gonna be doing rehearsals and set ups there till 3am and gotta be on standby by 4am. This sucks! And god knows what time we'll end on sunday. I hope it's not too late. All these stuff are really burning my weekends and it really kills. I miss my gf! I wish I have more time with her.
These few days seemed to be a roller-coaster ride for me. My mind seemed to be in a blank. I don't know how I should feel. THere's so many things going on. Some things I did, or said, and I regret it so much cos I know it's wrong. I'm wrong to be like that and I so hate myself for being like that. god pls help me!
Life's like a roller-coaster, always having it's ups and downs, guess it's the same for everything else right? There's always challenges, obstacles set in front of us and all we can do is to conquer it and move on with our lives knowing things will be better cos every everytime we fall we gotta pick ourselves up. We'll become stronger after everytime we fall and I hope I can believe this and this phrase I always say "Tomorrow will be a better day!" I hope so..
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12:21 AM
I feel like everytime I blog I feel down. Well I did mention before this blog was a form of output for me. Anyway, was on duty for the Army half marathon Race Expo today. Was running around and busy the whole day. My feet still hurt from the route march few days ago. Got two huge blisters at the bottom of my right feet and my toe nail cracked too. Life sucks. Most ppl are nice and cooperative but some ppl don't seem to understand english, and they're so god damn rude. Like I owe you a god damn living. Was suppose to spend the day with my gf tmr but guess what? The boss wants all commanders to be down for the Race Expo tmr as well. There goes my weekend, and the next few weekends till those botaks POP from bmt.
It ain't easy to be in a relationship. It ain't easy to be in a relationship when you're serving national service, becos you think of your gf all the time yet you can't be with her. She wouldn't like it too, you not being with her all the time, not there for her when she most needs you. I hate the army, the whole organisation and I hate what I'm doing in there now! We both know what we're in for from the very beginning. sign... Why's there this sense of deja vu? Why am I feeling like this again? Shall not say anymore....
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Thursday, August 09, 2007
9:35 AM
I just came home. Did my COS duty yesterday. Why am I always doing duty when everyone else books out? I think mr.tong wilson aka Admin Spec doesn't like me. Yesterday he told me he plans to throw me 2 weekend duties for sept. I wanna kill someone. Took the usual route home, except that I just walked really slowly. I prob never walked so slowly before, with my player plugged in, in my own world, sunk in my own thoughts. No one was awake when I reached home so i quietly came up here in my room sweet room.
What is wrong with me lately, why does my heart feel so heavy these few days. But I know I can get better, for me sake, for her sake. I love her so much I don't want her to get hurt, yet sometimes I feel like I am. Sometimes some things slip my mind and I always wish I can turn back time and rectify my mistakes. I just applied for 2 days off next week to rest myself. Have some time to spend with my dear gf too...
I miss my guardian bumblebee...
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8:42 PM
It hasn't been a month since I updated. Guess it's considered fast in that nowadays I only updated once a month or so. Well been busy, haven't had much time to be in front of the computer. Today's my nights off day and I just did guard duty last night. Only slept for an hour and that hour was cos i overslept. Something happened, anyway I stoned the rest of my day today. I have no idea what's going on around and my mind's a complete blank. No... no that's not right. my mind is filled with all kinda thoughts. THese thoughts are like strings and they are all in knots. My heart sank like a stranded ship to the bottom of the ocean. And now I'm falling sick. What a day.
There is so many things I want to say. SO many things i wish i can say but i can't. I don't know what to do I'm so confused. there seems not to be any one i can talk to now. So many things I don't understand.
Btw my birthday just passed, I'm 22 already. It's funny when you're young you're always looking forward to ur birthday cos you're turning a yr older but when you get older you tend not to be so looking forward to it cos well, you're turning older. The ironies of life.
irony..............
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