Hi all. On a one-week break from army now, though I'm not as happy as I should. Actually, I can't remember the last time I was happy. Life just hasn't been going as good as I wished. Sometimes I get very confused, what am I to do, why can't I be the person she wants me to be? It's so hard to think now, the stupid cold tablet is messing with my mind again. My throat hurts. I feel a fever coming. sigh. I guess I haven't been doing enough. I don't know. I heard so many hurtful things, and I chose to chuck them aside because I want to believe it's not like this at all. Ppl have been telling me a lot of things, what I should do, but sometimes it's easier said than done.
I feel so frustrated now. It seems like everything I do is wrong. Everything I say is wrong. Everything everything is wrong to her. Does it matter to her if I care? I wish she knew, I wish she can see it. Words are words but somethings should be seen through the heart and it's not working right now.
Argh I prob could rant and rant now but it doesn't really matter now, for now anyway. I guess I prob really need a wake up call right about now.